The Gift of Forgiveness

Khush Raho with Sangeeta 

Is forgiveness a virtue? And does forgiving someone who has hurt us deeply make us weak? In another era, cultivating virtues was both a personal and a community goal. Today, the self comes first so let us look at forgiveness through exactly that lens. 

When we are hurt deeply by someone; humiliated at work, put down or made the target of jokes in a large family gathering, or simply ignored, we feel it in our body. Stomach tightens, mouth becomes dry, speech feels strangled. And when this is repeated, that pain transforms into stress energy in our body.

As Dr. Gabor Maté says, repeated stress becomes trauma. So when a child is repeatedly scolded by a teacher or parent for not meeting expected standards, something develops deep inside — anger, guilt, sometimes hatred. And that movie of the incident keeps playing in our mind, replaying the hurt each time. The memory triggers the body; we keep reliving the reaction. 

What this does is create a disturbance in our energy field. Our energy should be flowing freely through the nadiis, the energy meridians and through the chakras, the organs of the energy body. Just as we want the heart to pump blood smoothly through vessels without blockage or stress, we want positive energy flowing through our system to help us be happy and healthy. But a memory of hurt, anger, creates a blockage. As the wise have said, carrying anger toward someone is like holding a flame inside yourself. That person is not burned by it. Only we are. 

So forgiving someone is actually a profound gift to ourselves. 

Many years ago, when I worked in the corporate sector, there was a particularly obnoxious colleague who seemed to get genuine pleasure from putting me and others down in meetings, aggressively attacking our suggestions and running down other people’s talent or reputations.  I began dreading our Monday morning meetings, wondering what ugliness he would bring. Slowly I became silent. And then I realised that his anger, his aggression, was a domination tactic. He enjoyed those interactions. He enjoyed putting us down. He was acting a role, of the smartest person in the room. And the more I scratched that little wound by replaying my anger, the more power I gave him. 

As Jesus said on the cross: "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." That memory came to me. I began to not react, took a few deep breaths, and responded calmly and quietly. And I did forgive him. For whatever reason, that is what he needed to do at that point in his life. I forgave him and blessed him: that he may evolve into a calmer, happier, more positive person, and that he no longer shed that dirty energy over other colleagues who cross his path. Because I did not want to give him power over how I feel. I want to be in control of my own reactions. 

Forgiving someone is not something that happens overnight. It is a practice — one you can do for 30, 60, or 90 days, however long it takes until the angry response no longer arises when you think of that person. As a bonus, when we replace anger and hatred with forgiveness and compassion, we are literally replacing adrenaline in our bodies with dopamine and serotonin, the happiness hormones we actually want flooding our system. 

Do yourself a favour. Think of one person who gets your blood pressure up. Start now with the 5 minute affirmation practice. Do it daily till you can think of them without anger. 

Small rituals. Profound healing.  

Until next time — Khush Raho! Stay happy, stay healthy. 

(Sangeeta Bhalla is an Energy Healer, Instructor, and Therapeutic Aromatherapist. She can be reached at www.sangeetabhalla.net)